Taste Test: Lord of Biscuity Cereals

I love biscuity cereal. Sometimes I snack 'em down one by one with a big mug of tea on the side. Other times I place each biscuit on a soup spoon, submerse it for precisely the right amount of milkabsorption time and eat a whole bowl methodically as such. Am I a cereal nerd? Oh yeah, totally.

It seems that suddenly there are so many variations on biscuity cereals out there, that I am forced to do an emergency taste test. I picked just eight out of the many available because I don't have the bling to buy more. Cereal is expensive. Dag!

Here is a bold statement on the side of a box of a cereal that will be reviewed in a moment.




Such bravado! I'll be the judge of that. And of all the rest of you biscuity delights as well.



Without further ado, I present to you the results in order of Best to Worst:

In first place by a whole aisle of cereal is our Lord of Biscuity Cereals...


Kashi's Organic Promise Autumn Wheat. Simply the best. It is, as promised on the box, "lightly sweet" with 7g of sugar. It's got a really awsome loose weave made from thin strands. Perfect for dry crunching OR a quick milk soak, keeping the crunch so long as you don't douse & neglect. You can eat a bowl of these and not feel like you ate candy for breakfast. I can't taste the organic (though it is a nice bonus), so this does not sway the results. Get it at
Trader Joe's for cheap!

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Next up is Autumn's cousin...


Kashi's Organic Promise Cinnamon Harvest. Same weave with a light cinnamon taste. It retains rightful use of the term "lightly sweet", though it has 2 additional grams of sugar, coming in at 9g. I like it almost as much as Autumn Wheat.

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In third place we have a surprise...



Plain old Trader Joe's Bite Size Shredded Wheat. It's not sweet at all because it's got zero grams by way of sugar. Definitely the healthiest choice. I almost didn't include it in the test. But I'm glad I did because it's got a hearty wheaty taste that is worth noting. The weave is completely different - a VERY tight bind (similar to your traditional Post Shredded Wheat). Some days call for zero G's.

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In fourth place, we have...



Malt-o-Meal's Frosted Mini Spooners. The weave is completely different here. A medium weave made from thick, strong strands. Extremely crunchy. The Spooners claim to be "lightly sweetened" but I would correct that to say "pretty honkin' sweet". Clocking in at 11g of sugar, things are getting serious. As for the claim on the side of the box (see top of page), yeah, they do taste every bit as good. But read on to see if that's something to brag about. Besides, it's kinda lame to be a cereal-copyist and not come up with your own idea. Poseurs.

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In fifth place...



Ralph's Frosted Bite Size Shredded Wheat. Identical in weave to the Spooners, but these are really too long to be considered bite size. Also, they are not "crispy" enough. A very slight chemical taste. Soaks up milk nicely though. 11g of sugar as well. Please give me a break with the "lightly sweetened" line. You cereal box writers are worse than James Frey!

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Moving on down to sixth place we see our first Kellogg's...



Kellogg's Bite Size Frosted Mini Wheats Vanilla Creme. Well, they are VERY vanilla creamy. Overwhelmingly so. True, they have a weave like no other, the traditional perfect Mini Wheats weave, but they are so unbelievably coated with sugar it kinda ruins the texture. The box says "lightly sweet" but now they are just plain lying like Bush. With 12g of sugar, you might as well eat cookies for breakfast. Remember the jingle, "Whole-wheat goodness on one side, light frosting on the other"? Light frosting? No wonder more than 23% of the nation is fat.

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In seventh place is another Kellogg's treat...


Oooeeeh! Kellogg's Frosted Mini Wheats Strawberry Delight. A complete artifical flavor sensation. Slathered with 12g of sugar, these also boast little pink flavor specks within the biscuit. See 'em? If you are a 9 year old girl in a princess costume who gets to eat one box of sugar cereal per year, this might be your top choice. Best Friends Forever!

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And our last place goes to a foreigner who I had such faith in, but alas...



Kellogg's All Bran Choco, which I picked up in Spain! I got very excited as this is a flavored-but-not-frosted biscuit cereal. But it tasted like doo. I had a few and threw the rest of the box out. Just plain bad. However, I have to give a shout-out to a delicious biscuit cereal that you can only find in Canada: Kellogg's All Bran Strawberry Bites and the others in that family that I've had (I think there was an apple one and maybe blueberry?) These are little biscuits with some fruit filling in the center. Not too sweet and perfect without milk. Another reason to move to Canada.

By the way, if anyone can substantiate the claim on the side of this box of Kellogg's, I will be amazed:



Less tired? I just ate a bunch of fiber and I am plain tuckered out!